Have A Cold One


demonslayer dvd

Michelle Acuna as Alicia/Elodie
Howard Williams Jr asTyson
Adam Huss as Phillip
Hanna Lee as Claudia
Monique DeVille as Tamara
Robert Eaton as Father Patricio

Joaquin Garrido as Father Enrique
Layon Gray as Mister Cobb

"Its a baby carriage from Hell." – Father Enrique. Unfortunately he was serious, too.

The Trailer cannot be embedded, but you can take a look at it here.


Even a bad B-horror movie…even a C horror movie can be fun. It’s like having a cold beer on a hot day. It might taste like sewer water, but at least you’re getting a buzz.

Oh, not with this movie, my friends. It’s like a watered down beer with rat poopoo at the bottom of the mug. What makes it so boggling is that the set up could have been made into a better movie. Not a good movie, mind you, but at least one you won’t regret watching….much like drinking the cheap ass beer.

The movie starts with a lone black dude driving up to an abandoned hospital in LA. He’s pissed that he has to be there, it’s night. I guess he’s an inspector or something. They don’t make that clear. He’s on the phone with his boss and complaining about having to look the place over at night. The boss tells him that the city is considering demolishing the place but a local clergyman is trying to have it fixed up to use as a community center.

Ok, if you’re like me you’re going to take this flimsy premise and wonder why one guy, alone at night can determine this buildings status. But then, you already know it’s a cheap horror movie so you just take a gulp of brew and carry on.

Naturally this guy gets killed by robed figures in the basement. This happened a YEAR before we meet the characters that are featured in the flick.

Alicia the Goth, Claudia the Bitch, Tyson the Brotha, Phillip the Punk, Tamara the Bitch’s friend. Cobb, the officer. I’m not making those titles up. They splash the titles blurbs over all of them as they appear on screen. The characters are juvenile delinquents that have been put on some kind of probation/ community service to help Father Patricio fix up the place for some kind of leniency in their sentences…or go to juvie, I guess.

…and that’s the last interesting thing you’ll see for AN HOUR. They throw a nude scene in there, but it’s not scary or interesting and guys, you won’t get a boner. It’s just…there.

Aw, screw it…by the time you get to any demons attacking you won’t care. You’ll just want to finish your drink and go home. The hospital the kids are cleaning up used to be a brothel and for some reason they started worshipping demons in the brothel so now the place is a gateway to hell. Some other priest, Father Enrique, shows up saying he’s a demon slayer, but there is no reason for him to EVEN show up now except that they have to do something with the plot. I swear the writer must have been a six year old.

Yeah, and Alicia the goth girl has some kind of connection to the place or something…and Father Patricio does too, but by the time they reveal any of this you won’t care. Just finish your drink.

The only good thing about this movie that I can say is that the demon makeup was well done for something done for a low low price. I think they blew most of the SFX budget on one scene where a demon bug come out of a person’s mouth. Other than that, there is nothing to see here.

Don’t get drunk with this movie, folks. It will leave you disappointed like the cheap beer you thought you got at a great price but was really only as good as cat piss.


1.) What kind of city sends one dude to inspect a building that they are considering for demolition in the middle of the night?

2.) Geez, If these kids are criminals how did they even get caught in the first place? The instant they get to the hospital and are left alone by Mr. Cobb, Tyson pulls out two guns from his bag, and Phillip pulls out a big bag of weed from his and starts getting' high? That means no one at all searched them or their bags. If they at least made it look like Tyson and Phillip had cleverly hidden these things I could buy it.
• The fact that they are left with absolutely no supervision from a case worker, a cop or even the clergy is mind-boggling. It crosses the line on "well, it's only a movie" into "What bonehead wrote this?".

3.) 34 minutes into the movie and the scariest thing that happened so far is Alicia saw snakes on the bathroom floor (in a totally gratuitous nude scene that will do nothing for you) and ….this part is confusing….maggots in a bowl. I say it's confusing but you can't tell what's happening. Phillip reacts with disgust, but the others just kind of stand there as if it's no big deal. Tyson pulls out a gun and points it at the bowl for no reason. Nothing at all happens. (…and none of the others react to the fact that he has a gun). Alicia calmly walks over to the bowl and puts some lighter fluid in it and lights it with a match. No one really reacts realistically to that either. Who wrote this dreck? They couldn't have been high, because if they were it might have been interesting.
• Someone asks Alicia what she's in for directly after and she says "Arson". Yeah, that makes sense. A thug who has TWO guns on him, a punk that has a sandwich bag full of weed, and an arsonist with access to flammable liquids and matches…and no one is supervising them on this court ordered excursion.

4.) Oh for the luvva…it takes just over an hour for the first demon related kill, and it's so badly acted you'll probably sleep through it. Tamara becomes possessed (why her, I don't know, don't care. Neither will you). She rips Cobb's spine out in front of Claudia and Tyson like a super-move in Mortal Kombat. When the others come because of the commotion it has all of the excitement of choosing between Crest or Colgate toothpaste.

5.) WTF? Father Enrique just SHOWS UP as the demons attack? He's not been mentioned before or anything. They may as well have had him show up in a Batman costume.
• Oh, he's from the branch of the church known as "Demon-Slayers". Yeah, that explains a lot.
• Enrique sure didn't do much before he bit the dust. Well, he did more than the actual characters I had to endure for the last hour or so, but by this point I don't care who wins. Roll credits!

6.) Tyson sure turned out to be all hat and no cattle in the thug department. He's still got his pistols but when the demons show up he doesn't use them. Even when the possessed Tamara charges him, Phillip and Father Enrique he lets the old one eyed priest use an itty-bitty knife to cut her head off with one stroke instead of, well, shooting her. He had plenty of time to do it, too.
• Well he 'kind of uses them' later. See Hangover Moments.

7.) So Father Patricio grew up in the old brothel or something? By the time that nugget becomes known WHO CARES? They just wrote this as they were filming it, didn't they?


A baby carriage from Hell. Seriously, that's what our characters find on their way to stop the demons in the basement. Father Enrique even says "a baby carriage from hell" when asked what it is.

♦ WOW…this movie was cheap. When Tyson fires his pistols at the demonized Claudia they couldn't afford to even foley in the gunshot sounds. I'm surprised the director didn't just tell him to yell "BANG BANG!".

♦ The entire last 30 or so minutes is a hangover. Suddenly Father Enrique shows up with little to no explanation. He gets killed quickly too, even though he says he's a demon-slayer.


The Black Guy Dies First. Literally. The first character you see is the city inspector guy and he gets whacked before the title credits.

Not sure if Alicia fits the Chosen One trope. She probably does, but the movie is so bad you won't notice anything to make you think she is except for clunky nonsensible crap.


The only reason I can give this movie one beer is because it was *slightly* better than "Adam and Evil"…and Adam and Evil was horrible. The sad part is it had potential…..it's not original, but what is? It just didn't follow up on its premise at all and hell, no one watches a movie named Demon Slayer without wanting to see cheap scares, bloody deaths and well, demons. You won't get that here. If you try, have some alka-seltzer at the ready.

one beer

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