I don't score movies on production values, acting or any fancy stuff. What matters to me is if the movie entertained me and how much. You can find the most low budget schlockfest of a movie that can still be fun to watch, even if it is "So bad it's good". That being said, sometimes a movie is just plain bad. Anyway, the rating scale is this but not limited to these scores.
| TEQUILA or The KEG- Reserved for only the best movies. they don't have to be the most awesome movie ever made, but they're so good any flaws the may have are undone |   |
| A Sixpack - You may hate yourself in the morning, but you don't regret that one last drink. |  |
| Five Beers - The movie was pretty good, but they must have dropped a bottle on the way out of the package store. No worries, there's still enough left get your drink on. |  |
| Four Beers - Well, at least you don't feel like your time was completely wasted. If you turn your brain off (which is pretty much what you're doing drinking four beers) it was "okay". |  |
| Three Beers - You get a gentle buzz from this flick. Its not outright terrible, but you regret it a bit. |  |
| Two Beers - Are you freakin' kiddin' me? Who made this piece of crap? |  |
| One Beer - Every copy of this movie should be tarred and feathered and burnt at the stake. The people that made it need to be kicked in the nads. |  |
| Ol' Rot Gut -This movie will poison you. |  |
| The Porcelain Goddess - Yes, this flick will give you bedspins. after watching it you'll feel as if you had your head down a nasty gas station toilet depositing the contents of your stomach except for the regrets you have about last night. |  |